I once met a couple whom I have come to truly adore and appreciate. They have been married for over 50 years, and there is something beautiful about watching two people who have shared decades of life together still choose to walk side by side.
One day, I asked them a question many of us would probably ask:
“What is the secret to being married for so long?”
I expected to hear about communication, romance, compatibility, or perhaps never going to bed angry.
Their answer was much deeper:
“Marriage is choosing each other every day and choosing to forgive each other every day.”
That stayed with me.
Because when we stand at the altar and say “I do,” we often imagine the person standing before us will somehow remain the same. But life changes people. Marriage changes people. Parenthood changes people. Success changes people. Loss, disappointment, ageing, responsibility, healing and even our relationship with God can change us.
The person you married may not be exactly the same person ten, twenty or fifty years later.
And neither will you be.
You Have to Keep Getting to Know Each Other
One of the greatest lessons I have learned from long-lasting marriages is that you cannot fall in love with someone once and then stop paying attention.
The woman a man marries in her twenties may have different needs in her forties. The man a woman marries when they are young and building their dreams may carry different responsibilities and vulnerabilities decades later.
There may be seasons when romance is important, seasons when reassurance is needed, seasons when one person needs patience, and seasons when simply being present becomes the greatest expression of love.
This is why we must remain curious about the person we married.
Who are you becoming?
What are you carrying that I haven't noticed?
What do you need from me in this season?
How can I love you better now—not just the way I loved you ten years ago?
Marriage requires us to keep learning each other.
The Bible reminds us:
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.” — Romans 12:10
Love pays attention.
Love notices.
Love listens.
And mature love understands that sometimes we must learn new ways to love the person beside us.
Marriage Is a Daily Choice
There will be days when choosing each other feels effortless.
There will also be days when it requires intention.
Marriage is not sustained by one beautiful wedding day. It is built through thousands of ordinary days—the conversations, the disagreements, the apologies, the laughter, the sacrifices, the prayers and the decisions to keep showing up.
Scripture describes love this way:
“Love is patient, love is kind… it keeps no record of wrongs… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4–7
That kind of love is active.
It means saying:
I still choose you.
Not because you are perfect.
Not because I am perfect.
But because we are committed to growing together.
Forgiveness Is Part of the Journey
The second part of this couple's answer was equally powerful:
“Choose to forgive each other every day.”
When two imperfect people share a life, mistakes will happen. Words may be spoken carelessly. Expectations may go unmet. There may be misunderstandings, disappointments and moments when one person feels unseen.
A marriage cannot thrive when every mistake becomes another stone added to a wall between two people.
Colossians 3:13 tells us:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring harmful behaviour or accepting abuse. It does not remove accountability. But in a healthy marriage, forgiveness creates room for repentance, restoration and growth.
Sometimes the strongest words in a marriage are:
“I was wrong.”
“I'm sorry.”
“I forgive you.”
“How can we do this differently?”
Fall in Love With Who They Are Becoming
Perhaps one of the most beautiful ways to think about lifelong love is this:
You have a choice whenever your spouse changes. You can spend your life complaining that they are no longer the person you first met, or you can take the time to discover and love the person they are becoming.
Motherhood may change her.
Fatherhood may change him.
Hardship may change them.
Healing may change them.
Age will change both of you.
The goal should not be to demand that someone remain frozen in the version of themselves you first fell in love with. The goal is to create a marriage where both people have the freedom to grow while continuing to find their way back to each other.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
Marriage is partnership.
It is recognising that you are not simply witnessing each other's journey—you are walking through life together.
Keep Choosing. Keep Learning. Keep Loving.
Maybe the secret to a long marriage isn't one secret at all.
Maybe it is waking up and continuing to ask:
Who is my husband becoming?
Who is my wife becoming?
Who am I becoming?
And how do we continue growing together rather than growing apart?
Keep talking.
Keep asking questions.
Keep dating each other.
Keep noticing the little things.
Keep praying together.
Keep apologising.
Keep forgiving.
Keep learning the person beside you.
And above all, keep choosing each other.
Because lifelong love isn't about loving exactly the same person in exactly the same way for fifty years.
It is about falling in love with the many versions of each other that life reveals along the way.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Mark 10:9
A Question for the Table
Tonight, ask your spouse:
“Who are you becoming in this season of your life, and what do you need from me that you may not have needed before?”
Then listen—not to defend, correct or respond, but simply to rediscover the person sitting beside you.
Because perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give the person we love is to never assume that we have finished getting to know them.
Marriage is choosing each other each day.
Marriage is forgiving each other each day.
Marriage is growing, changing, learning and still saying:
“Out of everyone in this world, I still choose you.”
Own Your Image | Table Talk Podcast
Real conversations. Real relationships. Building stronger families and changing generations.